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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” —Ed Gardner
© 2009, J. M. Erickson. All rights reserved.
“The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.” —William H. Borah
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” —Mark Twain
“Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.” — Robert W. Sarnoff
“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”— Stephen King
“Remember, the reason government is funded by taxes is because it produces almost nothing that people will pay for willingly.” — Mark Hillman
Sung to the tune of “Are you ready for some football?”
Are you ready for the VAT tax?
OK. Here’s Joke #6
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
In the June 2009 issue of Reader’s Digest, is a joke contest in which the top 10 jokes were published. There were two in particular that I liked: Joke #3 and Joke #6. Here’s Joke #3:
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God, “You said I had 30 more years to live, ” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” God shrugs, “I didn’t recognize you.”1
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God, “You said I had 30 more years to live, ” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?”
God shrugs, “I didn’t recognize you.”1
One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests.1
Godspeed, Karen, on your quest in DC to inform your Rep and Senators on Mitochondrial Diseases.
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