- Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
- Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
- It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
- If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
–Horace G. Hutchinson
- They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
- If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
- Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
- If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
- If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
- Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
- I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
- My handicap? Woods and irons.
- The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
- I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
- The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
- If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
- It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
- Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
- Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
- May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
- If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
–All Us Hackers
- The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
- Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.