Golf Quotes

  1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
    –Grantland Rice
  2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
    –John Updike
  3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
    –Robert Lynd
  4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
    –Horace G. Hutchinson
  5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
    –Gardner Dickinson
  6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
    –Sam Snead Read more

Golf Facts

Here’s a long list of golf facts and observations. I’ve found them to be true:

  • Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
  • Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
  • When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
  • If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
  • The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about your golf swing.
  • No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
  • The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors. If it ain’t broke, try changing your grip.
  • Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. Read more

18 Reasons Why I Gave Up Sex for Golf

18. You don’t have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.

17. If you are having trouble with golf, it’s perfectly acceptable to pay a professional golfer to show you how to improve your technique.

16. The Ten Commandments don’t say anything about golf.

15. If your partner takes any pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you later become famous.

14. Your golf partner won’t keep asking questions about other partners you’ve golfed with.

13. It’s perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger you happen to meet at the golf course.

12. You can put yourself through college on a golf scholarship and earn a varsity letter in golf.

11. When you see a really good golfer, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.

10. If your regular golf partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you golf with someone else.

9. Nobody will ever tell you that you can go blind if you golf by yourself.

8. When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to worry if it’s really an undercover cop.

7. You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy golf equipment.

6. You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite coworkers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment.

5. There’s no such thing as a GTD (golf transmitted disease).

4. If you want to watch golf on television, you don’t have to subscribe to a premium cable channel.

3. Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life, then give up the game if your partner loses interest in golfing.

2. You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the purpose of golfing.

1. Your golf partner will never say, “What? We just golfed last week! Is it all you ever think about?”